“But how does it feel to break up?” That was the question she asked me after I gave her my opinion on whether she should break up with her boyfriend or not.
How does it feel like? Actually it sucks. Fact is that even if they kept you and someone you hated the most in a single place for a month, you will miss him when you move apart.
But as bad as it may feel sometimes that is the only way to move on. Sometimes a relationship becomes more injurious than a break. When this happens you need to be strong and master the courage to break up the relationship.
The problem is that sometimes it becomes too difficult to know when you need a break up or to work it through. I have therefore decided to use my experience and research online to compile these 13 flags that suggest you should break-up your relationship
1. You find it hard to trust your bae and think you need to monitor him/her at all times
Trust is supposed to be the backbone of every relationship. There is no need having a relationship where you constantly feel a need to keep taps on your partner. It is emotionally exhausting and needless. If you find this in your relationship it is a big sign that you need to work on yourself or call the relationship off.
2. You have strong emotional feelings for others than your bae
It is either you are the problem or you are with the wrong person if you keep fantasising about that gorgeous looking young man or that ass-endowed lady. If you were with the right person you wouldn’t find yourself feeling like a loser whenever you come across a ‘cuty’.
Counsellor Jonathan Bennett puts it right “If you’re constantly thinking about your other options, then your relationship isn’t as strong as you think it is,” a sign to break up.
3. Only sex keeps you together
I have often heard of the term “friends with benefits”. I don’t really understand what it stands for but I know its major feature is sex. If your relationship is purely for consented sex then that is okay. But in a more conventional relationship, a point where you only come together when you need sex is a major sign that you need to take a look at your relationship. You probably should break up.
4. The habits that use to be fancy or okay now makes you angry
Sometimes temporal emotions may move you to start a relationship. At the beginning some habits may seem okay to you or even interesting. But if there is no real connection it shows later on. Same things that use to make you happy now infuriate you. You need to ask yourself why these habits piss you off but if it becomes the order of the day then you need to call the relationship off. It is a sign that you are not compatible.
5. When you break up with you partner more than twice
It is normal to break up and come back together in a relationship as individual temperament may interfere. It becomes abnormal when your find yourselves breaking up and together more than twice. This means that you are not actually dealing with the real problem. Explore on this here.
6. If you are always the one to be blamed
Sometimes you may make a genuine mistake in a relationship. When this happens it is okay to take full responsibility and apologise if you have to. But if you become the punching bag of the relationship where you have to bear the blames for every hiccup you need to consider a break up.
As the professional counsellor Julienne Derichs says it, “You are in a dead-end relationship if your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want to work through conflicts with you and blames you for the all problems in your relationship.”
7. When you feel you are only doing your bae a favour
Relationship is supposed to be a mutual thing where both parties benefit from the companionship and emotional, moral or physical support. But if you feel you are only in the relationship as a favour or because you think you have made commitments or out of pity for your partner. You need to know that being in such a relationship won’t help any of you. You are more likely to treat your partner with disdain while feeling bitter yourself. Just call it off.
8. If every communication ends in quarrels
Experts say intermittent arguments are a natural part of every relationship and even sometimes make relationships stronger but it should not be the order of the day. When every conversation you try to have with your bae ends up in a fight, it is a big sign that it is not working. I would have said you need to talk it out but I am sure you will fight again, so consider calling it off.
9. Their traits that is incompatible with your personality just gets worse
May be you were always looking out for a tall gorgeous guy or pretty short girl for a long time.
You are likely to compromise on some habits that are naturally not compatible with you when you finally meet your desired partner. It is normal to try to work out those habits but if they only gets worse with time you need to take a second look.
10. One of you can’t get over their ex
Every relationship requires the emotional investment of both partners but if one cannot get over an ex it means you are all not emotionally in. No relationship can move forward when one partner is still living in the past. It is a not great for both of you and you need to break up.
11. You constantly feel you are the only one making efforts to keep it working
As said many times, a relationship should never be about one person. It is enough difficulty trying to keep a relationship working even with both partners full commitment .
If you find that you are the only one trying to keep things going it means your partner may not be very interested. They might probably be thinking they are doing you a favour. You need to discuss this and if it is not working consider moving on.
12. Hoping for your partner to change their believes to suit yours
Remember the last time you tried to quit a bad habit, was it easy? Now if your partner has to do it for you, imagine how hard that can be.
If you are hanging on for your partner to make serious changes such as adjusting their moral or personal values that conflict with yours it may become too exhausting.
I have been asked many times: “I love this Christian girl and I am a Muslim what should I do?”
When it comes to matters like this you either have to adjust yours or you move on. Compelling your partner to make such changes may prove impossible or may leave both of you bitter.
13. If you only get a text when your partner is in need.
“She texts me only when she needs my help” this has almost become a cliché. With this situation most often than not your partner is not emotionally involved.
In most cases they may think they are doing you a favour by staying in the relationship hence you have to pay royalties by being called upon only when there is a need. When this happens, you need to have an honest discussion about it and if it continuous you need to break up.
These are just a few of the signs that you have to break up your relationship. If you found this article through search it means you are already looking for reasons to quite. Master courage and get on with it. Most often it is the best for you all. Here is how to go about it.