How to break up a romantic relationship ? Like seriously ?
I know this is quite a weird topic but trust me a lot of questions do come in on it, “I am sure I need to break up but how do I go about it?”
I published an article a couple of days back on how to know if you need a break up or work through your relationship and this brought up more questions regarding how to go about it and how to handle a break up.
In this article, I have listed some vital Do’s and Don’ts when you intend to break up a romantic relationship.
It is So hard to break up a romantic relationship, why?
No matter how genuine the reason necessitating a break up may be, fact is that it never gets easier. It gets worse if you still love your partner. We are emotional beings which mean than most often our decisions don’t follow logic. The most logical conclusion does not always change the way you may feel. You need to understand that sometimes you have to break up even if you still love the person for the reasons but not limited to those stated here
You need to consider carefully before you proceed with a break up.
The do’s of breaking up
1. Write down your reasons for the decision
It is very import to take time and write down all the reasons why you want to break. Writing is necessary because it will help you really think it through, making sure your reasons are not just mere temporal emotional reactions. For now you are just with your paper, you are not hurting anyone’s feelings. So write as many reasons as you can no matter how hard it may be.
2. Write down the reasons you fell in love with him
I know this sounds outrageous but it is a very important step to help you make a good judgement of what you are about to do. Make sure you write down everything you love about him or her and weigh them against why you need to quit.
3. Consider the reasons for about a week or two
Breaking up a relationship is a serious decision hence writing the reasons are not enough. Consider your reasons over a couple of days or weeks to double check that you are really doing the right thing. I know at this stage emotions may come to play but you really need to do this.
4. Consider how your partner might feel about it
Before you pull the trigger make sure to anticipate how your partner may feel about the break up and build up the responses that would reduce the pain in the most respectful way as possible.
5. Do it in person
Unless under extreme circumstances it’s very inappropriate to break up with your partner on phone or with a text. These days some even do it through a post on social media. Avoid all forms that will not show empathy and do it in person. It will be hard but that is when you need to be strong. If your reasons are good enough there is really no need to hide.
6. Be honest
You have to be very honest and as straight forward as possible. Open up to him or her, the things you love about him or her, how grateful you are for all the moments you hard with him or her and may be how sorry you are for the pain you might have caused him or her. Tell him or her the reason why you need the break up.
The Don’ts of breaking up
1. Don’t do it as a revenge
Breaking up should never be about pay back or punishment for the mistakes your partner may or may not have committed. Every break up has to be completely rational and thought through. It is going to be hard sometimes but you need to make sure of it.
Let’s assume you caught your boyfriend red handed, cheating on you with another girl. You may be tempted to just get the hell out and never see him again. But fact is that you probably are not and angel yourself. But I’m not suggesting you don’t have to break up with him. All I’m saying is that you need to do it with respect no matter the pain. In this case you can leave there and break up with him after the situation subsides. Let him understand why you are doing it.
2. Don’t disrespect your partner
This just buttresses the first point. Breaking up is not necessarily a fight, it should be done with due diligence. Let your partner know he or she matters to you. you need to show honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and be caring.
3. Don’t rush through the decision making process
You don’t have to break up in the hit of the moment. Most decisions made in a rush are almost always regretted later. Thus, you need to take time to think everything through.
4. Don’t hold anything back
When breaking up make sure to express your feelings without holding back anything. Free up your emotions and be as plain as possible. You need to let this be more of a mutual agreement than a command.
5. Don’t get emotional
The last thing you don’t want to do is get emotional during a break up. Once you make up your mind, try to put your emotions aside when you face him or her.
6. Don’t beat about the bush
When breaking up never circumvent the point. Hit straight at it and don’t keep the conversation too long.
How to go about it
Now you’ve made your decision to break up. Call your partner and schedule a meeting. Let him or her know you want to discuss about your relationship but don’t stay too much on the phone.
Consider what to say and also how to say it.
I have put together some examples of how to say it. You can modify the ideas to suit your situation:
1. Start with the something nice
you can state the things you love about him or her
Example “You have been very kind to me”
Or “I am very grateful for your wisdom and the things I have learnt from you”
Or “You have been so caring and I appreciate that a lot”
2. Say what’s not working (your reason for the break-up)
For example: “But right now things don’t feel right for me.”
Or: “But there is someone else.”
Or: “But we’re arguing more than we’re having fun.” Or:”But you cheated on me and I cant take that”
3. Then Say you want to end it
For example: “so we can be friends but we cant be dating anymore.”
Or: “So I want to break up.”
Or: “So I want to be alone right now.”
4. Sooth him up
For example: “I am really sorry if it hurts.”
Or: “I know we didn’t want this to be this way but I’m sorry.” Or:”I know this may be hard on you, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
5. Give encouragement
For example: “I know you’ll be fine.”
Or: “I will never forget the good times.”
Or: “I am very glad I got to know you.”
Or: “I know you will find someone wonderful.”
Or: “I wish you happiness”
6. Be patient and listen to your ex’s response
Give the other person enough time to voice out what he/she feels about it. Then you break the meeting respectful and check back on your ex after a few days to let them feel you still care.
Why go through all these just to break up a relationship?
Every relationship is a chance to learn and get stronger. Today he or she might just be an ex to you but may be your boss tomorrow. You need to make sure that every mark you leave behind today is clean for you know not tomorrow. Also, breaking up a relationship does not mean you wont start another ever. Do right by someone today and you might be treated same tomorrow. Karma is real. Your ex is not your enemy. The major reason people often court is to find a compatible partner for marriage. Why then do you have to hate your ex if you find out he or she is not compatible?